Jen & Brangelina--The Stone!/Lichtenstein True Hollywood Story
Part of: Brangelina , Gossip , Hollywood*Updated (1/13)
Where the fudge was Brad? Jen didn't know what to do. She had told Angelina during pre-production on "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" that if she laid a finger on Brad, there would be hell to pay. Yeah, she was just being paranoid.
Meanwhile Brad and Angie were driving to a private beach in Malibu to start working on their love child.
CUT TO: Months later.
Brad decided to break the news to Jen that their marriage was over. "You know that I'll always love you Jen, but I'm not in love with you anymore. You'll never be a movie star, which you should've accepted a long time ago. And who doesn't want to have Brad Pitt's babies? I think that you're a lesbian. "
Jen couldn't get over Brad and slept most of her days away to ease the pain. (She had tried drinking and taking a few Vicodin, but wasn't the type to have too many carbs and didn't want to be compared to Matthew Perry if she became addicted to painkillers).
After a few weeks, Jen came to the conclusion that everything was Angelina's fault. Angie was hotter and younger and had a child! How the fudge was Brad supposed to resist her? Brad would eventually come crawling back when Angie tired of him. (Sure Brad was easy on the eyes, but he was pretty annoying after a few months.)
One morning, Jen's alarm clock went off. She was supposed to meet Courtney Cox for her regular sunrise yoga session, but Jen was exhausted and fell back asleep. She started having a very vivid dream of kissing Brad. So vivid, in fact, that she thought it was real...
Meanwhile, Brad called Angelina on the way to his old house that Jen was still living in. "Ang, Jen definitely won't be there. She never misses yoga. I'll just grab the video camera and my knife collection. Don't worry."
Jen woke up and reached for Brad. He wasn't there, so she got up and put on a robe. Brad was obviously making her an egg white omelette and bacon like he always did.
Brad didn't know what to do! Jen was home. WTF? That bitch's routine was set in stone. Brad was so flustered that he called Jen "Vicki" (he had been roleplaying with Angie earlier that morning). Jen's smile turned downward and she ran to the bathroom. (Brad didn't follow her. He just grabbed his knives and camera and ran out.)
Jen's morning had started off well, and now all she wanted to do was die. She ran a bath in their ugly modern bathtub. That stupid tub was Brad's favorite thing in their house.
Jen decided that she'd drown herself. Then Brad's life would really be ruined. Everyone would hate him and he'd realize that Jen was his soulmate.
Angelina was in the bathtub when Brad got home ready to throw knives and have multiple orgasms. Brad couldn't wait to make her pregnant. Now that that bitch Jen was dead, they could live happily ever after.
All images are copyrighted by Roy Lichtenstein
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