Breakfast At Tiffany's

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« You're so Nice | Home | Sex Tip Du Jour »

You're so Nice --Part 2

Part of: Rant , Seinfeld-esque

Breakfast: everything bagel with cream cheese and organic Costa Rican coffee

I walked in from brunch and decided to check on my laundry. I could sneak around the back, but then realized that the back door wasn’t open. There wasn’t any noise coming from the Newlyweds place. Good, they weren’t around. I couldn’t take any chances, so I went into invisible mode as I went around front. I was almost past their place…a few more steps.

“Hey, Tiffany!!” Do you want some pizza!?” Jenny belted out like we were in a musical.

So they were only quiet because they were stuffing their pie holes. The dog was even chomping away.

“I just ate.”

Thank God, because I could never resist a slice of pizza.

“Come on…we have plenty!” The parents said in unison.

The pizza had pepperoni, pineapple and mushrooms on it. Disgusting.

“I’m very full right now.”

“You could save it for later,” Jenny said.

Jesus. Was I still having this conversation?

“Catch you later,” I said.

I woke up from my nap to the sound of knocking on the door. I wasn’t expecting anyone. I closed my eyes again and the knocking stopped after a minute. Ten minutes later it started again. I clicked on the TV and turned up the volume to 20. I got the feeling that someone was watching me and turned around to find a face pressed to the tempered glass window. It was the father. WTF?

I was wearing my underwear and a white tank top with no bra. Perspiration beads were all over my body because I didn’t want to risk cracking open the front door for air. I slinked down in the couch. A few minutes later when I dared to look, the face was gone. I turned my attention to the TV. SILENCE OF THE LAMBS was on. I was starting to understand the appeal of becoming a serial killer. Why were there so many boring and fucking annoying people in the world? I decided to start making a list of all the people I would kill if serial killer became a job in the future. We had to deal with overpopulation somehow. Yeah, that was the kind of thinking that would make me a successful entrepreneur.

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