Breakfast At Tiffany's

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Breakfast at Barney's

Part of: Fashion , LA

[Breakfast: a blended soy green tea latte]

I know you are all wondering what’s been happening with me lately. I’ve been so tired, so that’s why my blog’s been neglected. The new adorable orange Persian kitten that DK and I co-adopted likes to wake me up in the middle of the night to snuggle, so I let it (again and again and again).

Anyway…I will say that I still hate Saab’s and BMW’s (except for the 7 series). DK has fueled my hatred by confirming that these ugly cars, with even uglier owners, have terrible records for expired plates. Next year I plan on getting a new ride. I’ve narrowed my choices down to the Toyota Prius (not sure on the color) and the baby Benz in black. DK thinks that I should get the Honda Insight if I get a hybrid because it’s sportier, but Toyotas are way better. Plus I don’t like the name ‘Insight’ for a car. It reminds me of the Ford ‘Aspire’ - that cheap car that I make fun of—‘I aspire to be a car’. Speaking of cheap things, I can’t get over how funny Kathy Griffin’s D-list is. The only thing not funny about Ms. Griffin is her hair. She needs to invest in better hair extensions and/or wigs. Also, her hair looks much better tied back, although I’m a little concerned that it may be receding.

So I dragged a grumpy DK out of bed yesterday to attend the Barney’s Warehouse Sale. I tried to get up around 7 so I could get to the sale by 8, but it didn’t happen because DK tied me up to the bed frame. FYI-unless you wear a size medium or large you have to get to the Barney’s sale by 8. For some reason the skinny bitches always get there early. I was walking around so depressed that everything good was gone, I forgot to look in the bags and bins of clothes that people had tried on. "How do you know that the good stuff went earlier?" asked DK while I furiously went through a pile of discarded clothes that some woman had left on a rack. "See these clothes—they’re all from good designers. " I tried on a really cute Diane von Furstenberg dress in an animal print, but it flowed too much at the bottom and I needed a size smaller (surprise, surprise). Then I went to the men’s section with DK. On the way there, we passed a woman mid-change with her big breasts out and naked except for her g-string underwear. There are no dressing rooms there. I was wearing a bikini top and a James Perse dress that I could easily pull up or down. I hit DK, as it was clear he was getting aroused. DK thought it was funny to pull my dress up and down.

The men’s section was barren. Where were all the hot singles that Match.com had promised? Oh, I read it wrong. They’re in New York. DK had assumed that there would be men in suits perusing the racks, but the only men around were wearing jeans and T-shirts. However, there were attractive men in the shoe section. This was the section that women sprinted for as soon as the sale started. We picked up DK three dashing dress shirts for over half off. Suddenly DK didn’t want to kill me anymore for waking him up so early and his grumpiness disappeared.

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