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Plastic Surgery for Dummies

Part of: Television

Breakfast: Organic Pumpkin Flax Plus Granola (from Trader Joe's) with oat milk.

I’ve only watched the reality show "Extreme Makeover" a few times. That show disturbs me because it’s basically bringing a fashion magazine to life. I don’t think it’s good to show ugly people being made over to be permanently pretty.

I wouldn’t want to date one of these plastic surgery freaks, but I also wouldn’t want to date a pretty person who got plastic surgery to make them more perfect. The show is like an episode of The Twilight Zone.

I’ve never seen the people on "Extreme Makeover" working out before surgery, but Dr. Phil was on the last two episodes, so the makeover people had to earn their plastic surgery. That’s so patronizing, but what did I expect from Dr. Phil.

Post-Op patients seem fuzzy, but overwhelmed with joy. I never see people in pain after their surgery.

“Maybe they’re so happy to get free plastic surgery that it outweighs the pain,” My mom said.

I know two people who’ve gotten plastic surgery, and they said if they’d known how much pain they were going to be in and how long it would last, they would’ve never done it. Both women had their eyes done and one had liposuction. Both doctors made the surgeries seem like no big deal and weren’t honest about the pain, duration of pain, or progression of healing. You can’t get more invasive than liposuction—it’s major surgery.

Also, no one can erase ones ugliness completely. There is no clean slate. What happens to all of the makeover candidate’s childhood ugly pictures? It’s not like these "Extreme Makeover" people went through an awkward stage, they were butt ugly their whole lives. Maybe women wouldn’t care, but I bet most men would. They don’t want any evidence that their hottie used to be fat or ugly. And how do you bring that up with someone: “I used to be really ugly, but then I got an Extreme Makeover.” I wonder if most people hide it, and then some jealous friend or relative spills the beans.

What about their future or current offspring? These folks haven’t been given an ugly genes a makeover, so they’ll most likely have ugly children. I mean, talk about kids having a complex. They'd have to start a plastic surgery fund in addition to a college one. It’s true that gorgeous women marry ugly men, but do you think these people are going to marry supermodels?

I am very curious about the spouses of the ugly ones. Wouldn’t they get jealous? And if you married a fellow ugly person maybe you’d want to upgrade since your ego has grown from all the attention. Maybe your ego is only temporarily inflated. The show has no psychologists as part of their makeover team, because we all know that pretty people don’t have any problems--all of their self-esteem issues and any self-conscious thoughts have magically been cured.

"Extreme Makeover" should be reserved for people who have things like hairlips and such. We need to put a cap on beauty. Too many pretty people would ruin the natural order of things, like it does here, in Los Angeles. It’s hard to settle down with someone when you can find someone better looking or with a better body at every turn. Aesthetic overload would also be bad for the environment. Our already overpopulated planet would be raped further of its resources because there would be an abundance of children. "Extreme Makeover" needs to be stopped.

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